He adores you, but is it more than skin-deep?
Life is so good. You’re in love and think this relationship could be the real thing. This is THE guy for you… I mean, you’re pretty sure this is the right guy. OK, to be honest, there might be a few things nagging at you. Your guy definitely loves you — you have lots of sex and feel so passionately about each other, but he seems to want to spend a lot of time at home.
He doesn’t take you out that much anymore. You’ve been feeling like things have become a bit shallow between you. Every time you want to share your hopes and dreams with him when you’re cuddling after sex, he suddenly gets very tired. You’re starting to feel a bit self-conscious about yourself. Does your guy really love you?
There’s nothing wrong with you questioning the relationship. You’re a woman who knows what she wants and plans on getting it.
Of course, most of your relationships have started out based on physical attraction but you always have a nagging thought in the back of your mind that the guys you date are only after one thing: sex. Your man tells you all the time how much he loves your body and you love the compliments.
It feels good to be told that you are beautiful, especially since you don’t always feel that way about yourself. Even on those days when you’re not at your best, he’s still there telling you that you are the woman for him. You appreciate that he makes you feel sexy, but why doesn’t he make you feel smart, confident and thoughtful, too?
You have sex all the time and you do love it, but you want to be important to him for your heart also. You know he’s in love with you and you’re in love with him, but there’s got to be more to the relationship than just sex if you guys are going to stay together long term.
He obviously loves you physically and sexually, and at least somewhat emotionally and personality-wise, but does he really love your heart and soul just as much? Does it matter?
Isn’t physical compatibility the most important thing in a romantic relationship? Won’t the rest of the deeper love stuff just come naturally? Whoa! Slow the horse down. Yes, you want to be well-matched sexually with your partner because a solid physical connection and matching libidos are important. Yes, you want your man to love your body and be sexually attracted to you.
But… as much as you may fight it, your body will change and your libido might too; you may not want to have sex as frequently as you are having now. Are you 100 percent certain the man you’re thinking of committing your love to loves the rest of you just as much as your body? Are the two of you compatible in deeper ways? Does he light up your heart and make it sing (other than sexually or based on surface things)? Does he care about your long-term wants and desires in life?
Can you picture yourself old and wrinkly doing crossword puzzles with him by the fire (and do you know that he can picture that, too)? You can become swayed by the romantic excitement of a relationship without even really thinking about why you are with someone. If you are considering this guy to potentially be the man to spend your life with, then you need to be deep in thought about ALL aspects of the relationship.
How do you know if he is the ONE and not just a temporary fun fling?
Ask yourself if he’s been there for you during the rough patches when you were sick or unable to be the usual sexy you. Does he bail on you as soon as difficulty arises? Does he listen intently when you share your inner thoughts?
Does he seem genuinely interested in your larger interests that don’t necessarily include him? Does he ask questions to understand you better? Does he admire your intellectual curiosity? And most importantly, will he still love you when you’re eight months pregnant and as big as a house? Or after you’ve had two babies and your breasts sag?
Or when you’re 65 and wearing slacks and blouses and you have wrinkled knees? You can get a hint of all these answers by how he treats other women in his life. Does he belittle women with less-than-stellar bodies? Does he respect where respect is due in his daily activities? Does he seem to genuinely care about people without judgment of shallow things?
Think on all of these things and take the time to really understand the answers you find yourself coming up with. Make sure you’re setting the standard with which he should follow: love your heart and soul fully and respect the intuition they supply you with.